lately, my mind has been hostage to unwelcome thoughts. in the midst of so many new, uncharted territories, i crumble to my insecurities. leaving meetings i replay so many interactions in my head and wonder if i made any sense, frustrated with my inability to articulate my thoughts, wondering if i ticked anyone off, hoping no one thinks i took too much of a lead, wondering if i should of taken more of a lead, it's a horrible place to be.
and, mixed within these thoughts, is the reminder that these thoughts are a result of keeping my eyes on myself, and if i could just stop being so self centered i would be in a different place...
and then i hear the gentle pull, the sweet reminder, that i can't be the one to take my eyes off myself . . . sure i may catch myself, and then, rather then listen to the condemning thoughts that often follow, i can turn to the Redeemer, confess that i have been caught in yet another fear of man cycle, and depend on Him to help me keep my eyes on Him ..
for He has put me where i am, and will use a girl who feels too young, who feels like she is in over her head, who wishes she was more articulate, who struggles with knowing her place, and He will work both within her and through her, for His glory.
..and then, as i am reminded of who He is, my thoughts are still.
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