its all in my head

lately, my mind has been hostage to unwelcome thoughts.  in the midst of so many new, uncharted territories, i crumble to my insecurities.  leaving meetings i replay so many interactions in my head and wonder if i made any sense, frustrated with my inability to articulate my thoughts, wondering if i ticked anyone off, hoping no one thinks i took too much of a lead, wondering if i should of taken more of a lead, it's a horrible place to be.


and, mixed within these thoughts, is the reminder that these thoughts are a result of keeping my eyes on myself, and if i could just stop being so self centered i would be in a different place... 


and then i hear the gentle pull, the sweet reminder, that i can't be the one to take my eyes off myself . . . sure i may catch myself, and then, rather then listen to the condemning thoughts that often follow, i can turn to the Redeemer, confess that i have been caught in yet another fear of man cycle, and depend on Him to help me keep my eyes on Him .. 


for He has put me where i am, and will use a girl who feels too young, who feels like she is in over her head, who wishes she was more articulate, who struggles with knowing her place, and He will work both within her and through her, for His glory. 


..and then, as i am reminded of who He is, my thoughts are still.

walk on the water

Today - I had one of those moments where I got in the car and the song playing on the radio spoke spoke straight to my heart. Those ordained moments are something else, aren't they?

I am in a phase of my life when I'm embarking on a dream, a big scary dream that is different than anyone I could have formed.. and to be honest at times I am full of so much fear. "What have I done?" "What if I mess up?" "Is this okay for my family?"

There are number of times our Faithful Lord has met me in that place .. The Story of a Tree, Chewing on Psalm 143, and today with this song.

Walk On The Water lyrics
Songwriters: Crosby, Josh; Muckala, Dan; Waddell, Brittany Nicole;

You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give up

Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too

to dwell

Lately I've been drawn to the phrase "To Dwell".  Initially I thought about it just in regards to our home, and creating space within our house for us "To Dwell"; to sit, to take in, to rest to be filled.  


And then..at some point I decided to google the phrase. 


And it only got better. . . check out dictionary.com's take of the definition of dwell:

• to live or stay as a permanent resident; reside
• to live or continue in a given condition or state: to dwell in happiness
• to linger over, emphasize, or ponder in thought, speech, or writing
• a period in a cycle in the operation of a machine or engine during which a given part remains motionless

Each of these statements resonates with a part of me.

Over the last few months I have thought numerous times about writing here. . . . . frequently this urge has been a response to a desire to slow down and make space to linger and ponder the happenings of my days, the hand of my God, and His work in my life.  I find it so easy to go and to do, and I frequently miss (or skip, or ignore) a cycle of life in which I remain motionless.  


The result? Being far from a state that would be described as a place I steadily stay in or  continue in that reflects the steadfast love that is continually extended to me.

And so, this will be a space for me to dwell.